How Can You?

Why, Hello There Feeling... I know you VERY well.... For years I have been involved with someone who has been heaven in my eyes, but hell on my heart. He was IS so wrong for me, but yet I loved him for everything he was and I accepted him for everything he wasn't. I felt like I was his EGO booster, he NEEDED me, in order to feel good, he took advantage that my love was absolute, and he appreciated it for the ego strokes.... And when I had thought I built enough strength COMMON SENSE, he would say those three magic words to make me want to stay longer and keep trying because maybe "he meants it, and even though he keeps me there for all the wrong reasons, he still needs me in order to get through some aspects for his life." The words I LOVE YOU, would go straight to my heart, skipping my mind where my common sense could have the chance to stop it for questionings.  It was enough, enough to turn my world from upside down, to right side up (for that quick minute, that is)! Why does that always  happens? Do I have thaaaat much pride to just allow to live in misery to prove to myself one day I will conquer that something, even if that something isn't what I dreamed of for myself.  I believe we do did love one another, but we knew that we LOVED differently, and that Unhappiness lied within us!

"Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you.I'd been broken beyond repair."

                                                               -- Bella Swan, Twilight
...

Well maybe that was it.... The damn three letters worlds gave me some self gratification..... "I love you," wasn't enough to actually heal my bleeding heart, but it worked as a bandage, to helped cover up the recent wounds and bruises until the next lie he told, the next pain I feel, and the next battle he made me fight (When I say fight, is fight to still stay, to forgive his mistakes and try to forget, I fought alone to keep the relationship stable, when he was the one doing me wrong.) I guess I loved us enough for the both of us.  I knew he was fooling around, but my only proof was called "a woman's intuition" .. in other words... A WOMAN'S CRAZINESS.. as he likes to call it.