Without A Reason

If you are an old follower of my blog
( from a year ago)

 than you know my love life hasn't always been perfect.

You would know I have came close to losing faith in love
or better yet... I have came close to settling

with what was the worst relationship

I even came close to thinking God was against me

 Because one person couldn't possibly

feel so much pain from something so genuine as love.

The wrong one made me believe to love was to feel hurt

or that love was an obstacle course

and we must prove our love

by shedding tear and dealing with pain.

All and all I can say

I had a long road of struggle

I probably been through more than a regular person goes through in a lifetime

Being in love with someone that wasn't right for me.

Broke me into pieces,

and left no room for reasoning.

But then...
 without a hint, or sign

 my wildest dream came true

I reconnected with someone from my past

Someone so peaceful, caring and full of life

And today I am proudly to call him my boyfriend

aka my miracle man

We are in a mutual loving relationship

And I feel as anything is possible

This relationship shows me that love is not as hard as some people make it to be.

When you are in the infinite state of infatuation,

 a feeling no word or emotion could ever come close to describing,

you feel as though this life is worth living for.

You also fear that person,
not fear as in an intimidating type of way

but you fear ever possibly losing them, and the thought already brings you pain

I have learned that this pain proves to me that my heart

 has felt a happiness i may never feel again if gone 

I now know from my sufferings with the wrong one that
the time period in which i did feel what
 I thought it was happiness wasnt' really it at all.
In fact it was the opposite

There are only a few moments in life
 in which i believe we find true happiness,  

a moment in which everything stands still and
 every emotion thought or worry is gone,

 it's a feeling I get when i am with Julian,
 the one who is built as if he was made for me,

and I wouldn't trade the feeling I feel for him for anything.

in thi world....

 And when you see me cry now,
 it no longer means I am suffering over a wrong cause. 

Now when I do cry it just means I am in love,
 and devoted to keep the happiness alive,

for more than a lifetime with you,
but an eternity.

I guess no happiness comes without a little

prior state of sadness

CRY OUT

Ahh..I hate that feeling when you know you're  going to cry. 

 Your lips quiver,

your heart pounds,

 your eyes sting.

Your face clenches up and then

the tears starts to fall...

You cant stop them from running down your cheek

No matter how hard you try.

 And its not little tears that are sliding down your cheek,

 its big tears that makes your eyes all red and puffy,

 and your face tear stained and ur body heave

The big ones that makes you fear if you speak or open your mouth

that your eyes will get filled up a lot quicker

and the tears will run down faster with ease

and than you really lose any type of control

you were trying to have over the tears from coming

While you sit there and try to control

 you think you think what you could have possibily done

 to have prevented that suffering,

 that pain or that reason that caused those tears.

 You just want to stop the suffering

Stop this, and stop what you are going through, and take the tears back

But there is nothing you can do or nothing anyone can say.

its the kind of tears and pain that needs to be cried out, not talked out.

And even though you know you might be hurting people that you love,

you dont care, because right now crying is consoling you

and you dont care whos hurting from watching you

you cry. You just want to cry

and it is okay

CRY OUT LOUD

if it helps

Trust me, I know

I Will Cry Too